id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
