that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
