Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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