Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
