I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
