I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
