Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
