Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i think my cat just said my name.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
