So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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