Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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