I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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