I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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