I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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