for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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