i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
