I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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