ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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