I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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