So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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