Sry I called you an 8
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
