he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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