conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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