Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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