I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
