I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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