Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
