2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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