Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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