I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
