I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
