I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want her autograph on my taint
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
