I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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