this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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