Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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