so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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