Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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