So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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