I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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