Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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