you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
