Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
