So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
