did you get engaged???
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
