I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
