she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
