I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
