just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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