this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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