this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
