i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
