worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
