we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
