you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
