i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
