She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
