"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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