I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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