and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My vagina just recognized that song.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
