I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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