none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
