So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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