just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
