i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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