I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
