Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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