I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
