sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
