I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
