i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
