Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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