I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
