New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
