i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
