If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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